Humanists Lobby to Overturn Second Law of Thermodynamics

WASHINGTON, DC --The second law of thermodynamics, a fundamental scientific principle stating that entropy increases over time as organized forms decay into greater states of disorder, has come under fire from pagan groups, liberal humanists, and Darwinian evolutionist groups, who are demanding that the law be repealed.(1)

      "What we have here is the desire of a few misguided individuals to force their views on us. It is ridiculous to think that the universe will continue to expand until it reaches eventual heat death?(2)" says Dr. Carlo Pagan, head of the American Humanist Association, speaking at a rally protesting a recent Supreme Court decision upholding the law. "That's hardly the view of the world that Darwin envisioned for mankind.  We believe that it is necessary to rally support and demonstrate against the enforcement of the second law.  The courts need to get it right, and we will protest until they do!"

      In it simplest expression the controversial law of nature, never contradicted in scientific experiment, asserts that all things physical are subject to increasing loss of information, disorder, decay, and randomness(3).   Thus matter continually breaks down and energy available for mechanical work decreases.  These unsavoury implications of the second law are offensive to liberal humanists and evolutionists and run counter to their religion's doctrine of eternal salvation via man and the conviction that the universe or nature is all that exists or is real.(4)

      "Why can't disorder decrease over time instead of everything decaying?" asked John Dicke of Boston, MA. "Is that too much to ask?  This is our children's future we're talking about."(5)

      "To think that our children have to deal with the frightening implications of this law is too much, we shouldn't be forced to teach it to them, although that is still better than letting them know about God.  For decades we have been working hard to make people realise that we are all basically animals," said Oregon state senator Clinton Wills (R-Portland). "What this law says is that random chance cannot produce order.  As a parent I simply cannot accept that.  We will continue to evolve, second law notwithstanding."

      Calling the second law of thermodynamics "a deeply disturbing scientific principle that threatens our children's understanding that they are random accidents in a random universe," Wills is supervising a continent-wide grassroots campaign to have the law removed from public places.  The plan has already met with significant support in the state legislatures of Massachusetts, Oklahoma, New Hampshire, Tennessee, and New York where it has been removed from libraries, and high-school texts have been defaced to remove the offensive paragraphs.   Supporters of the second law say that the opponents should simply leave the words in the books, and let the second law do its work of decay. However, further international support has come in the form of rulings by Canadian Human Rights Commissions.  Following close on the heels of the Canadian Supreme Court ruling to ban milk products as discriminatory, the Prince Edward Island Human Rights Tribunal, in the case of T.W. versus  I.T.(6), ruled that parents have the right to teach their children that they are "every bit as significant as pond scum."

      This support has fueled interest and numerous rallies have been held throughout North America.  "My daughter's schoolbooks tell her that her ancestors were apes(7), and frankly, that makes sense to me, because there is a definite resemblance," said Zach Vomisa(8), one of several dozen evolutionary fundamentalists who spoke out against the teaching of the law at a Toronto, ON, School Board hearing. "This perverted law is a direct contradiction of Darwin's theory, about how everything is going to get better, and we'll all live happily when we reach a high enough level of evolution."

The fundamentalists are joined by various chapters of the Pagans for the American Way.  "This second law is way out, man," says Donna Devine, charter member of Pagans for the American Way.  "The Great Mother is our provider, and She is definitely not running out of gas.  That would be so uncool, and is just not right."(9)The American Civil Liberties Union is currently studying the question of whether the second law of thermodynamics violates the separation of Church and State.  Successful lobbying has even attracted the attention of the United Nations Secretary General, Kofi Inane, who said, "We are certain that there is a link between this so-called second law and global warming.  Trust me."

      At a meeting of the American Physical Society, co-sponsored by the Chinese Academy of Sciences, physicists issued a statement that, "...the (second law) remains the foundation of much of our current scientific understanding, a reversal of the second law of thermodynamics would have massive ramifications on the future of both our nation and the universe itself."

      "Were the second law to be repealed, random particles would collect and organize themselves instead of dissipating, which could affect such basic processes as vision, digestion, evaporation--that sort of thing," Harvard University superduper cosmologist Dr. Red Nose said. "Oh, and evolution would suddenly be possible since this requires the increase of order and available information, rather than the decrease in available information, which is what we observe.  Next these fundamentalists will be attacking the acceleration due to gravity!"

      Despite having detractors, the grassroots movement to eliminate the second law of thermodynamics appears to be gathering strength.

      "This is America," said Kennedy Hill, attorney for Pagans for the American Way.  "And in this country, we have the right to change laws we don't like; stroke of the pen, law of the land. The second law of thermodynamics will be repealed, and our voice will be heard no matter what. That's just a plain fact, and nothing anybody says can ever change it."

( Dr. James Wanliss is a scientist  in the University of Alberta's Department of Physics. James is also a Ruling Elder in the Presbyterian Reformed Church of Edmonton [Free Church of Scotland].)


 Endnotes

  1. He doesn't realise how right he is; cf. 2 Peter 3 and its reference to a kind of 'heat death'.
  2. This is certainly true, at least until the Lord makes all things new; cf. Romans 8:18-23; Psalm 102:25, 26; Isaiah 34:4; 51:6.
  3. e.g. "We find insufficient evidence for belief in the existence of a supernatural; it is either meaningless or irrelevant to the question of survival and fulfillment of the human race. As nontheists, we begin with humans not God, nature not deity. Nature may indeed be broader and deeper than we now know; any new discoveries, however, will but enlarge our knowledge of the natural." "We affirm that moral values derive their source from human experience. " Humanist Manifesto, 1973.
  4. In an article by the newsmagazine "www.theonion.com" this statement was incorrectly attributed to Jim Muldoon of Emporia, KS.  Our reporters at the scene were much more careful in finding the actual source, and spoke with the Muldoon family of Topeka, KS: "Now look here, I know my Jimmy has said some strange things, and protested against string theory and quantum mechanics, but he sure aint [sic] never been against the second law of thermodynamics," says his mother Mary-Faye Muldoon, also of Topeka, KS.  Jim Muldoon was unavailable for comment.
  5. Also known as the T.W.I.T ruling.
  6. Strictly speaking, many evolutionists reject this view for the more contemporary view that apes and humans come from the same branch.  Nevertheless this lie is still propagated in museums and schoolbooks.
  7. Zach is blessed with an abundance of body hair, so don't be too harsh in judging him.
  8. Ms. Devine claims she did not inhale.
  9. Dr. Nose is no longer working at Harvard; he was fired shortly after this article was published and his terrible faux pas was seen.  The Dean was heard to say, "...evolution would suddenly be possible.'  What!?  If it were not possible you would not be here; so I guess you're not here anymore."  In a future article Dr. Nose will discuss the physics of gas pumping, based upon his intensive research at his current employer. 

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